2005 Provo Open Shocker

by Farfel Miller III

Provo, Utah -The course was empty, the sun setting, and the scoreboard was covered by its plastic covering, causing the few onlookers to peer intently through it to ascertain what names lie beneath it. The Provo Open was over. It was a grueling 2-day event, with the greens as fast as ever, and the Tournament Committee doing its best imitation of a torture genius with their pin placements.
The first day ended with no large surprises, except for the tepid start of early favorite Chris Archibald. He played solid all day, and was 2 under with three to play, but shifting winds and a poor choice of clubs proved costly on the last three holes, as he finished at even par, 5 shots back of the leader, Steve Schneiter, a pro. But even with Archibald back in a tie for tenth, the leaders could not be too careful. "With Chris' mad game, you can never count him out, " quipped a nervous Clay Bingham after seeing the final posting of scores. " I will be watching my back tomorrow you can believe me!" And believe him we did. The crowds were anticipatory, and the scorekeepers readied their red pens, sure that Archibald was to mount his inevitable saturday charge. But somewhere along the line, Chris Archibald forgot how to play golf. Sure, he played solid for 15 holes, playing them in even. Sure he made a dozen 10 feet+ putts, that were scary enough to give even seasoned veterans reason to cry for their mommies. But on
numbers 4 and 5, Chris Archibald forgot how to swing his golf club. It was tragic to watch, much like Jean Van DeVelde at the British Open. These holes, which he had birdied the day before, now became his worst nightmare. Coming off of a birdie on number 3, he promptly topped a drive OB, then hooked a drive OB, and then finally found the fairway, but not before the damage was done. When the dust had cleared and the ball finally dropped into the cup, the result was a 9. "I just didn't have enough good swings today," said the sad Chris when asked about this misfortune. "It was like living in my own worst nightmare." Then on number 5, trying to overcome the demons that inevitably possess poor golfers, when they have such troubles, he topped a 3-wood into the water. Then he hit one into the bunker, and sank a 25 foot putt for double bogey. Then he hoped that he was done, and he was . . . until number 18. Once again, coming off a birdie on 17, he hooked a drive into the water and had to get up and down for a double bogey. "The last hole just about brought me to tears," said Chris. "To try so hard all day, and then fall apart on the last hole was just about more than I could bear." The crowd was stunned, especially when insult was added to injury and Chris missed the money by one stroke. Oh, by the way, Steve Schneiter won the tournament, but I write what the public wants to hear. Until next year, keep swinging.