Breaking AGA news - I.L.C.R.I.C.C. preparation and drama

by Farfel Miller III

Stanford, California - With the second AGA major of the year, the I.L.C.R.I.C.C, around the corner, all of the invitees are preparing in their own ways as they prepare to compete. Thom Archibald, winner of the Independent, with a stunning victory on the third sudden death playoff hole, has been preparing in Acapulco, Mexico, under ruse of honeymoon, of where he has reserved an entire beach to focus on sand shots and a local country club for help with everything else. Jim Archibald has hit the road following his disappointing three-putt on the first playoff hole, which ended his aspirations for an unprecedented second straight Independent title. He has vowed to not three-putt a green "from here to Texas", showing his dedication by traveling far and wide to get the precise practice conditions necessary for his run to I.L.C.R.I.C.C. glory. Edward has continued his work as a cart boy at the local golf course, not letting his near Ouimet-like story go to his head. Pundits have filled the airwaves with debate over whether Edward is here to stay at the top-of-the-majors leaderboard, or if his Independent performance was just that, an independent performance. Only time will tell.

The real drama, though, with one month left until the greatest tournament of the year, is coming from Chris' camp. Reports late last week surfaced from several sources here at Stanford that he had been seen around campus with an arm in a sling. Once this word got out, later legions of paparazzi have been unable to get any photographic evidence of this. Nonetheless, the AGA world has been in an uproar over the possibility of Chris being injured and, heaven forbid, unable to play in the I.L.C.R.I.C.C..

Today, Chris' spokesman, for the first time confirmed that an injury had in fact occurred. He read a prepared statement that said: "Last week, Mr. Archibald suffered a minor injury to his left shoulder and arm, but his doctor assures us that it will be fully healed with plenty of time left before the I.L.C.R.I.C.C.. The biggest loss because of this injury will be the practice time that Mr. Archibald could have spent in the last few days, but was unable, due to the advice of the medical specialists."

Under conditions of anonymity, several sources close to Chris have since leaked that the injury could be more serious than this official statement lets on. "He told me that he thought it was separated, " said one University mate of Archibald's injury, "and he couldn't hardly move his left arm." Speculation still soars as to how the now infamous injury actually occurred, as no eyewitnesses have come forward.

In a short phone conversation I had with Chris yesterday, he assured me that he would be ready to play when the I.L.C.R.I.C.C. came around. "I can't comment now on any alleged injury, but I can tell you that I will play in the I.L.C.R.I.C.C., and when I play in an AGA major, I play intending to win." That certainly sounds like the tenacious competitor and champion we are all expecting, especially coming off of his first AGA major where he didn't finish in the top-3.

If we can believe Chris, then each competitor at the I.L.C.R.I.C.C. will be ready to play, and if that is the case, I predict a tournament for the ages. See you in Cedar City!